she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
