did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
