no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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