I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
