Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
