I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
