Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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