Christians are straight up FREAKS
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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