47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize