It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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