you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
