woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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