you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Boobs speak an international language.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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