Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
