Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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