He told me they were just razor bumps!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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