Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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