remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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