OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
