don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
