i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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