I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
