At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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