What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
