If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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