I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
