Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
