why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
