she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
