i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
