If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
