Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
