She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
