May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
