Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
