I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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