Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
