that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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