Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
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