that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
