you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
