Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The uberlube is also flammable
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
