OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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