So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
this just has baby written all over it
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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