I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
