I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
