Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Every concussion has its silver lining
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
