she woke up with a sticky ear
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
