yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
