Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I need to wash the frat house off of me
you made out with another girl for some wings
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
