I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
