omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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