I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
