your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
