i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
