Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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