I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
