I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize