I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
