I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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