she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
