Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
