dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
