hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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