"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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