So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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