is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
