After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
