We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
