You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
A+ Viking dick
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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