my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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