I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
