i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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