I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
How naked do you want me to be?
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