I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
