Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
