She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
