$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
