Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
