how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
